Bipolar and addiction recovery is often talked about as if the problem is simply stopping the thing that is doing harm. Stop drinking. Stop using. Take the medication. Get back on track.
And yes, sometimes those things are absolutely part of it. But they can also make recovery sound much tidier than it is. On The Nutters Club, Charlotte Bell described alcohol becoming a way to manage pressure, stress and expectations from a young age. Not a party trick, or a moral failing, but relief. That matters, because when something works as relief, even briefly, it can become very hard to let go of.
When coping starts to become the problem
One of the difficult things about addiction is that it often begins as a solution. A bad one, maybe, but still a solution. If drinking turns down the volume on anxiety, pressure or emotional pain, the brain is not especially interested in our long-term wellbeing. It notices the volume went down.
Charlotte also described continuing to achieve academically and in sport, and using those achievements to reassure herself that her drinking was under control. That is a very human thing to do. We look for the evidence that lets us keep going as we are. If the outside still looks functional, it can be easy to dismiss what is happening underneath.
But functioning is not the same as being well. Someone can be doing the assignments, turning up, performing, and still be in serious trouble. In Charlotte’s case, she later described extended periods of high energy and intense productivity, followed by long periods of depression, before eventually being diagnosed with bipolar one after seeking professional help.
I’m wary of turning one person’s story into a checklist. But there are questions here that are useful. Is alcohol or drug use mainly about relief? Is achievement being used to prove there is no problem? Are mood changes, sleep loss, or frightening experiences being pushed aside because stopping to look at them feels too much?
Shame, support and determination
Shame is a particularly nasty part of addiction. As I said on the programme, shame makes us hide. And hiding is exactly the wrong direction for recovery, even though it can feel like the safest option.
This is one reason groups such as Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous can matter. Not because they are magic, or because one approach works for everyone, but because speaking honestly with people who recognise the territory can loosen the grip of shame. It can make the unsayable a bit more sayable.
Charlotte spoke about NA helping her learn to talk about emotions and recognise that she could not control everything that happened in her life. That sounds simple. It isn’t. For many people, recovery involves learning to have feelings without immediately needing to escape them, fix them, numb them or win an argument with them.
We also talked about motivation. I don’t trust motivation very much. It is a feeling, and feelings come and go. Determination is different. Less glamorous, probably more boring, and often more useful. Recovery can mean doing the next necessary thing even when the feeling of wanting to do it has disappeared.
That does not mean recovery is about white-knuckling it alone. If anything, the opposite. I’ve written before about resilience as something that can be developed, not simply a personal virtue some people have and others don’t. Support, honesty and persistence are part of that. So is getting help when things have become frightening or unmanageable.
Listen to the episode
Charlotte Bell’s full conversation on The Nutters Club goes into bipolar disorder, addiction, treatment, recovery and the role of support in much more depth. Listen to the episode if you want to hear the discussion in her own words.
