NZ Herald Mind Matters Column

NZ Herald Mind Matters Column

Happy New Year, and welcome to 2021. I wanted to take the time to thank all the readers of my blog “Off the Couch over the years – I really appreciate it.

This year I’m writing a new “Ask the Therapist” column for the NZ Herald called “Mind Matters”. I’ll be answering YOUR questions, and the column is in every Herald on Sunday print edition, and the online “Premium” Herald. So yes, it is behind a pay wall but hey – journalists (and columnists) deserve to get paid too!

Click here to see all my columns for the NZ Herald… and email me if you have a question you’d like me to answer via: kyle@psychotherapy.nz

Because they’re behind a paywall I can’t post them there – so get yourself a Herald subscription, buy a paper or nip down to your local cafe and read theirs!

The Nutters Club is also back for 2021, every Sunday from 11pm on NewstalkZB (thank you NZ on Air). And in an effort to simplify my life (call it a New Year’s resolution) I won’t be posting them here. But you can always listen live, or to listen afterwards on demand click here…

I also post the links to the show each week to my Facebook Page click here to like the page…

And I’ll still be posting updates, along with other projects, interviews etc. here as they happen.

Have a great 2021 and take care of each other.

Dreydon Sabanja

On the 13th of September Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

Our guest was Dreydon Sabanja who experienced depression in 30s. He then found huge success in his recovery journey through exercise and connecting with things that truly made him happy. Through this period, he became triathelete and a children’s book author.

With thanks to NZ on Air.

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 13/09/20 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 13/09/20 Part 2…

Johhny Angel

On the 9th of August Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

We talked to artist and singer, mental health advocate and long-time Nutters Club supporter Johnny Angel, also known as the “Pacific Elvis” talks about his journey with bipolar disorder.

With thanks to NZ on Air.

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 9/08/20 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 9/08/20 Part 2…

The Nutters Club: Facing anxiety as lockdown eases

Hamish and Kyle standing in the NewstalkZB studio

On the 17th of May Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

As social restrictions open up as New Zealand enters COVID-19 Level 2 we talked about how people are managing returning to some form of “normal” and how this has affected anxiety and general mental health.

With thanks to NZ on Air.

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 17/05/20 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 17/05/20 Part 2…

Brendon Adams

On the 26th of January Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

We were joined by Brendon Adams who grew up giving life 110%, until sleep deprivation lead to a manic episode which had him sectioned under the mental health act and committed for 8 weeks. He talked about his expereince of the mental health system, and how he is now raising mental health awareness via the “Monkey Off Your Back” motorcycle rides, see: www.moyb.org

With thanks to NZ on Air.

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 26/01/20 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 26/01/20 Part 2…

Why we need to pay mothers

Valuing mothers

This is my column this week in the New Zealand Herald, which is published in the digital edition every Thursday…

Psychotherapy doesn’t exactly have a glowing history when it comes to mothers. Perhaps it’s because many of the founding fathers of my discipline were, well, fathers.

Or maybe it was just the times, being as most of the central theories and research, including attachment theory, was initially carved out in the early to mid-twentieth century.

However, I have a simpler explanation. I think it is so easy to blame mothers because, by and large, they’re there. When we think about our childhood, – there they are.

It’s like the old joke. The teenager, in a hormonal rage, turns to their father and screams “it’s all your fault!” Dad looks at them with a confused look and says “How can it be my fault, I was never here?”

From Freud to attachment theory, mothers then naturally become the focus.

It is undeniably true however that children need to attach to someone consistent. But more widely whether it be in the past, in other cultures, or in the Prime Ministers residence for that matter, fathers can and do step into that primary role.

In fact, children are quite capable of forming attachment relationships with many different adults, from an early age. Grandparents, wider whānau, and yes, even Early Childhood Educators.

However, it’s always struck me that while we “value” ECE, and as such are prepared to pay for it, why do we not pay mothers who do choose to stay at home and provide full-time care for their children?

To reduce the conversation down to whether daycare itself is good, or bad, is to simplify something to the point of meaninglessness. No matter what child-care a family might choose, it needs to be consistent, to be high quality and allow attachments to form and hold the child.

But most importantly for families, mothers, fathers and children, their needs to be a range of choices.

Increasingly – and especially in our larger cities – economic reality means most families don’t have a choice. And sadly, parents who may want to choose to be stay-at-home parents, or join parent lead ECE options like Playcentre can’t.

In fact, MSD requires mothers to utilise daycare once the child is three so they can be work available.

Only the privileged middle class still get to choose how to raise their kids.

So perhaps, if we really want to change our culture of attacking, shaming or otherwise critically focusing on mothers we should choose to value them. And how we value things in a capitalist society is to pay for them.

Of course, it would really be funding attached to the child. If mum or dad chose to stay home and parent, they get paid, you can use it to subsidise a nanny, or if you send your child to daycare, they get the money instead.

Parenting in ways that suit your families needs, and according to your own values, shouldn’t be a financial decision, because while you can’t buy love, maybe you can value it.

If you enjoyed this article please make sure you click here to view the the original article in the NZ Herald.  The Herald measures the popularity of columns based on how many people view them.  So by viewing the orginal article you’ll be telling the Herald you like my column!

Dave Chant

On the 6th of May Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

Our guest was Dave Chant who accidentally became one of the first ever Nutters Club guests in 2009 when a 30-year marijuana habit came to a dramatic end. How did fate intervene and what is his life like almost 10 years later?

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 6/05/18 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 6/05/18 Part 2…

 

The Nutters Club: The Inside Word on Jehan Casinader

Jehan Casinader

On the 22nd of April Hamish Coleman-Ross and I hosted the NewstalkZB show “The Nutters Club.”

We were joined by Journalist Jehan Casinader, who talked about mental health, the media and his new show “The Inside Word” which discusses topics usually publicly treated with stigma, shame and silence. He also discussed personal challenges in his childhood which informed his life, and lead to his interest in mental health.

To view “The Inside Word” via TVNZ on demand click here…

To listen to the audio of the show, it’s in two parts, click the links below…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 22/04/18 Part 1…

Click here for The Nutters Club: Sunday 2/04/18 Part 2…